I am still blogging over at PeterDeWolf.com

He runs his fingers through his hair and looks out his window.
Everything is covered with a good five inches of snow.
He didn't know it was coming.
He never pays attention to weather forecasts.
Why worry about things you can't control?
Still... it is a lot of snow.
Pure. White.
He loves it.
It covers imperfections.
Clean slate.
Well, not completely.
One set of cat tracks meandered all over his backyard.
It was as if the animal was searching.
For something.
He glances at the sky.
He's done enough sailing to know what a red sky in the morning means.
He's unsettled.
Then he starts thinking about last night.

**********

She finally climbs out of bed, after hitting snooze four times.
She opens her blind and sees the snow everywhere.
The sudden urge to make a snow angel strikes her.
She doesn't think she's ever made one before.
She really should.
She notices her cat sitting on her deck.
She slides open the door and the cat runs in and over to his favourite
spot near the radiator.
She realizes that Mr. Whiskers is her longest ever relationship with a male.
She laughs.
But, not really.
She loves that the pretty pink sky is making the snow almost look like
the surface of Mars.
Or something.
Looks gorgeous.
Strange.
Like someplace else.
Then she thinks about last night

**********

"I NEVER do this," she said.
She was lying.
"Oh, me either," he replied.
He wasn't.

Their relationship backgrounds couldn't be any more different.

He's had long-term girlfriends back to back (to back to back) since he
was fourteen.
He doesn't know what it is like to be single.
His parents are still together.
He has a good example to look to, but feels like he needs to do more
before settling down.

She's never had a relationship last more than a month.
She's "given her love too freely." She knows this.
Her parents divorced when she was ten.
She won't let that, or the thing that happened to her at sixteen, make
her jaded about love.
But, these days, she's seeing the world through cracked rose-coloured glasses.

When the bar closed, they went back to her place.
She was (overly?) eager and adventurous
He was generous, but passionate.

And it was good, by any measure.
Probably even very good.

He was kind afterwards, but she wanted more.
She was fairly non-clingy, but he wanted even less.

**********

He is getting ready to go to breakfast with his friends.
Shit-shooting, discussing UFC pay per view, and diner french toast.

She is getting ready to go to breakfast with her friends.
Gossiping, discussing meeting an actual nice guy, and chai lattes.

He holds his cellphone.
He stares at her number, his finger hovering over the delete button.
Her sweetness, and brokenness, coming back to him.

She stares at her cellphone.
Debating whether she should bother taking it to breakfast with her.
His kindness, and warm smile, feeding her optimism that he'll call.

He was looking for experiences, life and freedom.
She was looking for the beginning of a meaningful and lasting connection.

Someone is not going to get what they were looking for.

So, little Spears is preggers.

*golf clap*

There is nothing quite like sibling rivalry.

Or overachieving.

At this rate, she'll be in rehab by 17.

Well done.

Other than to her and her family, and to the producers trying to figure out how to write this into the "plot" of Zoey 101, this isn't really a big deal. I mean, come on, haven't we all been knocked up or knocked someone up at 16.

No? Oh. Never mind.

When watching this on CNN Headline News early this morning, I heard one of the funniest things ever.

EVER.

They said that this pregnancy announcement will likely delay the release of Lynne Spears' (the mother) book on parenting.

Parenting.

Let that sink in for a bit.

I laughed SO hard.

I would want to read that book. For real. However, there are a few others that I would probably have to check out first.

These include:

"O.J. Simpson's Guide to Impulse Control and Good Decision Making"

"Hitler's Hanukkah Stories"

George Michael's "Use the Washroom BEFORE You Leave Home." (with forward by Sen. Larry Craig.)

"Pam Anderson (Lee Rock Bouvier Terwilliger Hutz McClure Stu Simpson) on Marriage"

Alec Baldwin's "Putting the Fucking Dirty Little Pig Kids First"

Lindsay Lohan's "Healthy Liver, Happy Life."

and

"Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, Queen of the Desert"

Feel free to add your own.

Dear Future Wife,

Hi. How are you? You are looking well today. Hair all shiny-like.

So, you are the last woman standing, eh? Good for you!

However, there is something that I feel I should warn you about...

You are going to have to dress me.

I have been mostly ignoring all things LJ.

But, I still love you all. And I catch up on your various doings from time to time.

And I am still doing my thing at http://www.peterdewolf.com

Sometimes I even do my thang, but that is less frequent.

They have been sitting in the doctor's waiting room for what seems like hours.

Gary doesn't even notice himself drumming on the arm rest.

Shari does.

She grabs his hand and gives him a look.

"We've been sitting here forever," he whines.

"It hasn't been that long," she replies, reading her magazine.

"You didn't make me wait this long to get you into bed when we first started dating."

"Are you calling me a whore?" she asks, now looking at him.

"Noooo. Of course not."

Gary turns to the elderly gentleman -- who is 75 if he is a day -- sitting next to him and gives him the "a little bit" sign with his thumb and forefinger while mouthing the words.

Many moons ago, I posted one of those "100 Things About Me" deals. (Part 1 and Part 2.)

I don't actually remember anything that I included on said list, but I am sure that it was just lousy with the awesome. And it probably contained some lies told for my own general amusement.

I'm like that.

People ask me why I blog. Actually it frequently comes in one of these forms:

"A Blog. Seriously?"

"That's on the internet, right?"

"Is it because Barney has one on 'How I Met Your Mother'?"

"Can you use it to meet girls?

"Have you turned fruit?"

To which I reply: "Yes." "Yes." "I had one first." "I guess." "Not that I'm aware of."

(Man, I hope that I answered those in the right order.)

I forgot to set the sleep timer on my TV last night and I woke up at some point to "Blind Date." A dude was coming on too strong, but thinking he was doing great, while a chick was shutting him down. Have you seen that one? That started me wondering what I would be like as a contestant on the show. And, you know, I think it would go a little something like this.

As I mentioned a while back, I have been working on a group blog idea.

Now, I don't want to overhype it, but...

It is going to be the 4th greatest thing in the history of the internet!!!

Go check it out!

In 1605, Sir Francis Bacon said, "Man seeketh in society comfort, use and protection."

I am not entirely sure what that means*, but any quote with the word "seeketh" in it must be true, right?

This is a story about Jim and Robin. They are strangers.

Or at least they were.

They are at the same party, but standing on opposite sides of the room.

Robin is standing near the door thinking, "I wish there was someone here to talk to," when she sees Jim.

Jim is standing against the wall thinking, "If I sneeze wearing these too-tight boxer briefs, I'll never have children," when he sees Robin approaching.

For the second day in a row, I am going to start a blog post talking about a dream. Variety is for suckers.

Last night I dreamt that I was dating Danica McKellar (Winnie Cooper from "The Wonder Years.)

When the phone rang very early this morning, I was doing what I would normally be doing at that time...

Dancing along to my DVD of STOMP THE YARD.

I was just getting to the part where --

And I don't mean the crappy Rob Lowe movie from 1986.

Or do I?

(I don't.)